I’ve known a lot of librarians over the years. In fact, I married one. For the most part, they’re an idealistic sort. They preserve the culture, bring people and information together. Right now, because some of them want to do that wholeheartedly and others don’t, they’re engaged in a civil war.

That battle has always been going on at some level. When Madonna’s Sex was published some years ago, some library staffs condemned it, while others bought it and added it to non-circulating, by-request-only shelves. Every week we learn of cases in which conservatives demand removal of specific titles from the shelves of public libraries. Sometimes they get their way. Sometimes they don’t.

The Internet is bringing this conflict to a head. Allowed free access to library computers, mere children, properly motivated and with the necessary access information, can see and learn all sorts of things about the human body and its sexuality. And there’s the rub, if you will pardon the expression.

Mark Y. Herring, of Oklahoma Baptist University, writes in the May 1, 1998, issue of Library Journal, “If a great work can inspire courage, greatness and magnanimity, then bad ones can also provoke lust, rage, and parvanimity ….” (I would love to tell you what parvanimity means. I looked it up in the American Heritage Dictionary and the Living Webster Encyclopedic Dictionary of the English Language, and I can’t find it anywhere. If anyone knows what parvanimity means, please let me know.)

Another librarian, writes in that same issue, “We don’t put snuff films in the video section of the library.” Then she makes her point: “Why allow material offensive to the reasonable and rational person into the library just because it comes on the Internet?”

Cheryl Banick’s question, in effect, is “Why should anyone of any age have access to sex information just because they want to?” My question is, “Why shouldn’t they?”

I was a kid once, as interested in sex as anyone else my age–which is to say, not very. I remember that Michael Lowenthall and I met behind his sofa when we were six years old and rubbed our penises together. At the time I felt heat flashes that virtually took my breath away. But you know something? We soon grew tired of that and never bothered doing it again. We had other things to do. We climbed fences, chased each other across Newark’s garage roofs, ran through people’s gardens, explored the neighborhood.

Four or five years later, I discovered my father’s treasure trove of pornography. These were photos, many of them taken by him, mostly of my mother and he, in some cases the two of them together in sexual acts. Then, again, I felt the flush, the breathlessness. I’m sure I sprouted an erection, but I knew nothing of masturbation.

Those photos remained in that same cabinet even after I left for college at age 18, but I perused them only twice more, briefly, curious about the secret play my parents were involved in; also, even more, the strange things that I felt in my body at observing them. But I wasn’t yet ready for sex, and soon became caught up in other matters. I was, in a sense, educating myself in ideal fashion, sating my curiosity.

What’s wrong with young people sating their curiosity about sex? How dare any educated person equate that to a snuff film in which someone is murdered?

Here’s the line in the sand. Is sex–the knowledge, portrayal and practice of it–good, positive, and celebrative? Or is it to be equated with “rage, and parvanimity,” with “snuff films” and that which is “offensive to the reasonable and rational person”? Ultimately, we are not only defending the First Amendment, but the rightness and naturalness of the body and its sexuality.

Don’t let the spin doctors succeed in their deceit. This isn’t about kids–have you seen any serious efforts to protect youngsters from movies about chain saw killings and other depictions of stomach-churning violence? Sex is being vilified here. That’s what this conflict is all about, and whether or not our children will someday escape the sexual hypocrisy and shame our generation has borne.

Have you noticed the way today’s teenagers hide their bodies? Remember the ’60s and ’70s and even the early ’80s? The popular teenage bathing suit was a bikini. All summer the boys were bare-chested and skin was in.

Then, things changed. You’ve seen those baggy shorts and baggy shins, everything sold in one size–large. The most popular teenage garment on earth would be burlap sacks if anyone manufactured them with holes for heads and arms. Poet and novelist Kevin Esser captured the problem and the longing for the good old days in a poem published in Volume III, Number 2 of Gayme:

Too late for these boys to save themselves now.
Something honest and beautiful has already been stolen,
a generation has already been turned against itself.
Wait, perhaps, for the next millennium
to see boys once again embrace their own loveliness,
to see them strip away the ugly layers of suspicion
and phobia and erotic denial.
Wait for that distant day as a small step back
toward a freedom that once glowed briefly,
but joyously like a bold renaissance sun.

Most teenagers today in the United States and England and to a lesser extent elsewhere seem to have basically two choices when it comes to their sexuality: They can deny it with baggy clothes and be forced into a life of hypocrisy through shameful rather than celebrative solo sex; or they can express their sexuality in inappropriate and illegal ways.

Our local newspaper recently reported about a 15-year-old boy who was sent to prison for the attempted rape of an 11-year-old girl. I hate rape. It is as blasphemous as committing murder with a crucifix. So what alternative does our society give that kid? It says abstain. Last year the Pope condemned masturbation. Society condemns fooling around with another guy. And forget about an adult partner altogether. Any man who would think about having sex with a kid today should have his head examined. One mother actually said she’d have preferred the pederast to have murdered her son rather than have sex with him. Another mother got off virtually free after murdering her son’s abuser in front of a courtroom full of witnesses.

So, what’s the answer? This sexually needy teen male thought it might be rape. If these kids were starving for food instead of sex, the decent people of our society would give them feasts. We’re not a selfish people; we’re generous as can be. Instead, they’re starving for sex, and we offer them sermons instead of solutions. Why? Because this God-given appetite for sex is one we think they shouldn’t have. It’s immoral. It’s sinful.

But as Ann Landers wrote last December (1997) in a repeat of the column on masturbation that won her the first annual Golden Phallus Award, “Sex drive is the strongest human drive after hunger. It’s nature’s way of perpetuating the human race. Males reach their sexual peak as early as seventeen. There must be an outlet. I’m recommending self-gratification or mutual masturbation, whatever it takes to release the sexual energy. This is a sane and safe alternative to intercourse, not only for teenagers but also for older men and women who have lost their partners. I do not want to hear from clergymen telling me it’s a sin. The sin is making people feel guilty about responding to this basic, fundamental human drive.”

Let’s help kids to start feeling good about feeling good. Let’s tell them sex is okay, and then we can begin telling them how to do it safely and responsibly.

1. The freedom of any sexual thought, fantasy, or desire.

2. The right to sexual entertainment, freely available in the marketplace, including sexually explicit materials dealing with the full range of sexual behavior.

3. The right not to be exposed to sexual material or behavior.

4. The right to sexual self-determination.

5. The right to seek out and engage in consensual sexual activity.

6. The right to engage in sexual acts or activities of any kind whatsoever, providing they do not involve non-consensual acts, violence, constraints, coercion, or fraud.

7. The right to be free of persecution, condemnation, discrimination, or societal intervention in private sexual behavior.

8. The recognition by society that every person, partnered or unpartnered, has the right to the pursuit of a satisfying consensual socio-sexual life free from political, legal or religious interference and that there need to be mechanisms in society where the opportunities of socio-sexual activities are available to the following: disabled persons; chronically ill persons; those incarcerated in prisons, hospitals or institutions; those disadvantaged because of age, lack of physical attractiveness, or lack of social skills; the poor; and the lonely.

9. The basic right of all persons who are sexually dysfunctional to have available non-judgmental sexual health care.

10. The right to control conception.

What is OTK Spanking (AKA “over the knee spanking”) like?

Spanking for some is about bringing something extra to the relationship. Some are content with a light smack on the tush, while others completely indulge in whips, chains, tying each other up, and toys. So if you’re going to do these things just be safe and make sure you have a way to tell each other when it’s too much. Other than that, have fun!

Now if you’re into the whips, chains, tying each other up, and toys, and are now looking for something to add to the bedroom, then I’ve got something for you. It’s the most powerful male sex toy on the market and it’s called the Fleshlight. Men can use it alone, or during mutual masturbation (such as using toys on each other). So why not get something that’s designed to send a shiver up his spine?

• Spanking can take on many different forms.
• As a sign of authority (punishment)
• Playfully (congratulating a fellow teammate)
• Erotic

Many of us are aware of the first, authoritative. This form of spanking is typically found within parent-child, teacher student, master-slave, and guard-convict relationships. Spankings here represent a punishment designed to mold behavior.

Playful spankings are fairly common in today’s culture. We sometimes pat a friend on the butt when saying hello or good bye, when congratulating a teammate, or just another means of rough play. This type of spanking can typically be seen in the forming of bonds of friendship.

Erotic spankings are the third type. This type of spanking doesn’t need to stem from the other two. Erotic spankings can fall anywhere within a wide spectrum typically with a partner. So it can be anything from a soft sexually suggestive pat, to a welt on your partner’s butt as you fuck them as hard as possible.

Many ask why would you want to mix something painful like spanking with sex?

Well pleasure and pain have been argued as the same sensation, that just appears on different levels of the same spectrum. So, pleasure can be thought of as softer sensations, like a lover blowing in your ear or feeling their tongue graze your skin, while pain can be thought of as anything that breaks the threshold and is no longer considered pleasure like spanking someone too hard, when they only wanted a light patt on the butt.

So, some just have a higher threshold for pain so they can appreciate things like spankings as part of their sexual repertoire. What kinds of spankings are there?

• over the knees (OTK) or across the lap
• stooped over a chair or couch
• on hands and knees (bed or floor)
• kneeling on a bed or ottoman, stooped over with hands on the floor
• diaper position (genital exposure to enhance humiliation)
• bent under the arm of the spanker
• lying face down on a bed

But lets not forget spankings don’t have to only include your hand(s). You can spank someone with a hairbrush, paddle, belt, cane, whip,
switch, stick, gloves, ruler, etc.

Many enjoy spanking as part of role playing and enjoy playing a part. In the case of role playing it’s often about the desire to be dominant or submissive. So, spanking here is about trust and control. For others? It’s more about enjoying the contact.

Like any things, spanking can be a fun addition in the bedroom. But it helps to clearly explain what you want to get out of it. And at the same time you should be mindful of your partner/lover, so they aren’t hurt any more than they want. It’s a fine line and communication is the best thing.

• You can spank them in a house,
• You can spank them like a mouse
• You can spank them here or there
• You can spank them anywhere

So, I ask. What did the 5 fingers say to the ass?

SMACK!!

Being caught masturbating is generally a horrifying thing, both for the person being caught and the person who finds you. But what if I told you there was a simple discreet toy that you could masturbate with? And I mean so discreet that if someone saw it casually in passing they wouldn’t make much of it? Sound interesting? Well do I have a treat for you.

• Caught in the act?
• Caught wanking?
• Caught polishing your pearl?
• Caught masturbating?

This is something that worries most people as we feel masturbating is something that should be done in privacy. It is this fear that causes us to develop the habit of hiding our sexuality and becoming ashamed of it. We do it in the dark, or turn on the stereo or tv to drown out the noise.

But what is the consequence if you are:

• caught wanking
• caught beating around the bush

Usually the person who catches you IN THE ACT is just as embarrassed if not MORESO. We know that we all masturbate, so there’s no big secret in that regard. If you are just caught by anyone they are usually too embarrassed to say anything. But some might try to hide their embarrassment by making a scene and putting it all on you.

Parents and a lover or spouse take a different approach though. Parents never want to see their children as adults so they tell kids not to masturbate, that it’s bad for them. Some avoid the topic altogether. Now a lover or spouse? They definitely approach this in a different manner. You lover or spouse can be aroused and want to watch or join in, or even become upset because they worry how this might affect their sex life. We may not want to but it’s best to discuss it with your spouse or lover. People have different approaches to this, and it’s best to know. I mean if you can have sex with them what could it hurt to discuss masturbation and how you both feel about it?

For some the thrill of getting caught makes everything more exciting. Your heart is racing, and everything feels more vibrant. You can ear every creak in the floor, and you sense of tough is heightened as well. So for those people this can transfer into their sex life as they like to have sex with a partner in public places. The idea of sharing this experience with someone with the added thrill of possibly getting caught just drives them wild. Because really. What’s the worst that can happen? They catch you and tell you to cut that out? Or just leave you alone to finish?

For some the thrill of getting caught makes everything more exciting. Your heart is racing, and everything feels more vibrant. You can ear every creak in the floor, and you sense of tough is heightened as well. So for those people this can transfer into their sex life as they like to have sex with a partner in public places. The idea of sharing this experience with someone with the added thrill of possibly getting caught just drives them wild. Because really. What’s the worst that can happen? They catch you and tell you to cut that out? Or just leave you alone to finish?

For some the thrill of getting caught makes everything more exciting. Your heart is racing, and everything feels more vibrant. You can ear every creak in the floor, and you sense of tough is heightened as well. So for those people this can transfer into their sex life as they like to have sex with a partner in public places. The idea of sharing this experience with someone with the added thrill of possibly getting caught just drives them wild. Because really. What’s the worst that can happen? They catch you and tell you to cut that out? Or just leave you alone to finish?

But we need to relax. There is nothing wrong with a few healthy strokes. The consequences while embarrassing, are never as bad as we think. So, if you’re in the comfort of your home here are some things to remember:

1. LOCK the door. Make sure it’s locked and not just closed
2. Make sure you have something handy for clean up (e.g. tissues)
3. Grab something to set the mood (music, porn, candles, etc.)
4. Select something to drown out the noise if you have roommates or neighbors to worry about
5. Relax… and have fun

Now to end things off on a light note. Here’s a few fun masturbating phrases:

Masturbation Slang

Laws have been passed in the U.S.A. against many sexual activities. Among them are these state regulations against:

ADULTERY – Illegal in 28 states including: AL, AZ, CA, CO, FL, GA, ID, IL, KS, MD, MA, MI, MN, MS, NE, NV, NH, NY, NC, ND, OK, RI, SC, TN, UT, VA, WV, WI

UNMARRIED SEX — Illegal in 9 states including: GA, ID, MA, MS, NC, RI, SC, UT, VA

LIVING TOGETHER UNMARRIED — Illegal in 32 states including: AK, AZ, AR, CA, DE, FL, HI, ID, IL, IN, IA, KS, KY, MI, MN, MO, MT, NE, NV, NH, NY, ND, OH, OR, PA, SD, UT, WA, WV, WI, WY and Washington, D.C.

PROSTITUTION — Illegal in all states except for Nevada

PORNOGRAPHY — Illegal in 28 states including: AR, CO, CT, GA, HI, ID, IA, LA, ME, MI, MN, MO, MT, ND, NE, NV, NJ, OH, OK, OR, RI, SD, TX, VA, WA, WV, WI, WY

CHILD PORNOGRAPHY – Illegal in 36 states including: AL, AK, AR, CA, DE, FL, GA, ID, IN, KS, KY, LA, MD, MA, MN, MO, NE, NV, NJ, NH, NM, NC, ND, OH, OK, OR, PA, SC, SD, TN, TX, UT, VA, WA, WV, WI

VISIBLE ERECTION (even if clothed) — Illegal in 19 states including: AZ, FL, GA, ID, IN, MA, MS, NE, NV, NY, OH, OK, OR, SD, TN, UT, WA, WI, VT

ORAL SEX (with opposite & same sex) — Illegal in 17 states including: AL, AZ, FL, GA, ID, KS, LA, MA, MN, MS, NC, OK, OR, RI, SC, UT, and Washington, D.C.

ORAL SEX (with same sex only) — Illegal in 7 states including: AR, MD, MT, MO, NV, TN, TX

ANAL SEX (with opposite & same sex) — Illegal in 15 states including: AL, AZ, FL, GA, ID, LA, MN, MS, NC, OK, RI, SC, UT, VA, and Washington, D.C.

ANAL SEX (with same sex only) — Illegal in 9 states including: AR, KS, MD, MA, MO, MT, NV, TN, TX

AGE OF CONSENT
13 – 1 state (NM)
14 – 3 states (HI, IA, MS)
15 – 2 states (CT, VA)
16 – 26 states (AL, AR, DE, GA, ID, IL, IN, KS, KY, MD, MA, MI, MN, MT, NV, NC, ND, OH, OK, PA, RI, SC, SD, VT, WV & Washington, D.C.)
17 – 5 states (LA, MO, NE, NY, TX)
18 – 10 states (AK, AZ, CA, CO, FL, NH, NJ, TN, UT, WI)

[The above was adapted from an article in a 1993 issue of Passionate Living magazine. Laws change. If you have more up-to-date information, e-mail us.]

Masturbating Could Be Illegal, Too–
According to the book Sexual Behavior and the Law, it is illegal in the states of Indiana and Wyoming to “encourage a person to masturbate.” Granted, the book by Samuel G. Kling is old (1965) but we will bet the laws are still on the books. If you know of the status of these laws, let us know. We’d hate to be presumed guilty of encouraging anyone living in Indiana or Wyoming to masturbate! If you do it in those states, and you’re cought, simply say it was your idea and please deny that SOLO had anything to do with your wicked self-pleasuring.

Too Many Dildos Are Illegal in Texas!
Ownership of one or two dildos, even six, is fine in Texas. But if you have more than that, you may be arrested! That’s right. It’s apparently illegal to own more than six dildos in that state — and in Georgia, too, we understand. The presumption is that if you have more than six you are going to sell the things. Dildos are classified by the Texas law as “obscene devices” which are illegal to sell. The code defines “obscene devices” as “a device, including a dildo or artificial vagina, designed or marketed as useful, primarily, for the stimulation of human genital organs.” They are considered “dangerous” and courts have held the law is proper because it is in the state’s interest to protect order (order??) and morality. There have been prosecutions under this law! It sure is gratifying that the lawmakers are diligently passing these laws to protect family values in Texas, in the heartland of conservative, Bible-belt America! We think it’s yet another example of the self-righteous trying to regulate the sexual expression of others. (Source: Houston Press, Nov. 18, 1993)

Several other states ban sale of vibrators!
Shocking intrusion into our bedrooms! Click to read this article

Also, there’s a brand new book out which documents the history of vibrators. The Technology of Orgasm by Rachel Maines (Johns Hopkins University Press, 1999) has written a fascinating account. Read about it on the Johns Hopkins University Press website.

Are There More Silly Sex Laws?
We are sure there are. If you have the text of some local or state laws, send them in. And here’s a warning: Some self-righteous lawmakers in state legislatures and Congress are still at it. Dumb laws regulating sexual behavior are still being written and some of them, unfortunately, are being passed and enforced. We need to fight for our rights; write your senators and representatives about your feelings on bad legislation and encourage their support of good bills.

We hope to use this website to keep you informed about legislative matters concerning sexual rights.

Safety during masturbation is very important. You may wonder what safety has to do with it, but many have been injured due to creative masturbation. And this applies to women as much as it does to men.

You want to be very careful what you choose to masturbate with. Many seek to use simple household products to masturbate. This can have both it’s up and downs. Some things to avoid are:

• Powerful electric appliances such as vacuums
• Using fruits and vegetables that can break off or cause a rash/infection from vigorous use
• Hard rigid surfaces that can damage your genitals and desensitize them
• Sharing sex toys (this can pass along any STDs the person may have)
• Using hot or cold objects can cause immediate damage or desensitize your genitals

Masturbation is fun, but it’s important to be safe. This sounds boring but it’s true. There are many horror stories online about people who have horribly mutilated their genitals due to masturbation with unusual objects.

So if you’re going to masturbate here are some things to remember:

• Lube: It moisturizes the skin, and keeps you from rubbing yourself RAW
• Toys: They’re fun but make sure it’s intended for masturbation.
• Try and find a nice private place. You can hurt yourself if you’re startled.
• Mutual masturbation can be fun, and is considered safe sex. But it does lead to other things.

So be safe and enjoy yourself. Masturbation can be fun alone or with a partner. But don’t do anything on the spur of the moment that might damage your body.

Here’s an email from a reader:

Love your site — I feel exactly as you do! In fact, I have been preparing a book to liberate, revalue, and empower autoeroticists for over a year. So much of the erotica on the net generally focuses on women as the only legitimate erotic beings, a vaginocentric culture, if you will. With a lifetime of experience and having read everything I could find, both clinical and nonclinical, I have long wanted to see INTRA-personal relationships come out of the closet. I feel that a lot of the anger, the competition between men, and that stresses between men and women can be reduced if we as men accept ourselves as legitimate, beautiful, and erotic beings– and the first step is making love to ourselves.

Personally, I started out at nine years old with a friend–we thought we had INVENTED it. I was trying to find out if we could get a patent at the point when we discovered we were not the first to discover it!

Following, please find the preface, the Bill of Rights, that begins the book. I would love to hear your thoughts on it, and have it posted on your site.

[Webmaster's note: My thoughts? I concur wholeheartedly! Looking forward to your book!!]

The Autoeroticist’s Bill of Rights

I. Your body belongs to you, what you do with it is your decision, your right, and your pleasure.

II. You deserve all the pleasure you can get from your body. You feed it, you clothe it, you shelter it. You should freely enjoy making love to it, and to yourself as a person, joyously.

III. Everything about your body is beautifully human. Your arms, legs, face, hands, chest, nipples, belly, back, ass, balls, and your beautiful cock all should be celebrated, accepted and embraced as part of your humanity. Being male makes you no less valid as a sexual being than a woman, and touching yourself is as desirable and as pleasurable as touching another. You should have no hate or fear of any part of yourself or your sexuality.

IV. You should be your own best lover. You owe it to yourself to discover every bit of your sensuality, sexuality, and eroticism.

V. You should always treat yourself as you would a woman (or man) you would give anything to make love to. Always give your best. Always accept your best.

VI. Your sexuality and spirituality are never in conflict. If you feel that they are, society has tricked you into hating a part of your natural, human self. Do not be tricked. Accept yourself, Love yourself, and Cherish time spent making love to yourself.

VII. Never be ashamed of anything you do in bed with yourself.

VIII. Knowledge of self, sexually, spiritually, intellectually, and psychologically is a positive thing, it is the path to enlightenment.

IX. Until you are complete in your own sexuality, you will never be totally free is sharing your sexuality with another. Making love to yourself regularly, thoughtfully, and well will make you a great lover, whether you are with yourself or someone else.

Keep up the great work!!!

Women can ejaculate just like men. Learn to let go!

Female Ejaculation can be a very wonderful thing when your ready to enjoy it. We all know how much men enjoy ejaculation, so why can’t women enjoy it as well? One approach would be to watch a man ejaculate and pay attention to everything that stimulates him, as well as discussing it with him. Putting this all together with what stimulates you, and what you like can help give you a little direction. That and as a woman it’s always fun to see your man so excited, isn’t it?

Female Ejaculation, is also called gushing or squirting. You may have some questions about this like:

• Can I learn this or is it something only porn stars do?
• I am afraid I will pee on my partner, what do I do?
• How will my partner react to it?
• How does it taste?
• How come it takes so long?
• What’s the best way for me to achieve FE (Female Ejaculation) ?

For this to work you need to relax and really let your body experience everything that cums. Think about it. When a man cums, don’t you think it feels somewhat similar to peeing since it is released the same way?

Many women are scared to try this, ignorant of the possibility or too nervous about exploring their sexuality. But this is changing. The G spot has been often called the female prostate due to it’s location and being developed from similar material during your time in the womb.

So, you must be asking, ok… how can I ejaculate? The answer is as simple as it is not. Doing kegels is always a good thing as it increases your sexual enjoyment whether you’re a man or woman. But the area you want to focus on is your G-spot. Now you don’t necessarily need for focus on it alone, the more stimulation the better right?

But you must learn to relax and really let your body experience this. When men ejaculate there is a switch that naturally holds back any urine and allows only ejaculate to pass. While research is still being done on female ejaculation, it is possible the same may hold true for women. If you’re alone, a great place to start may be in the tub, in case you’re worried about the mess. If you have a partner? Just be honest. Many men find it very erotic when their female partner ejaculates as they can relate to it and feel proud that they gave you so much pleasure. So relax, you’re likely more nervous than he is!

If you’re alone you want to either find a comfortable position where you can reach your G-spot or invest in a G-spot toy. Don’t worry if it doesn’t work at first, keep at it. If sex was that easy, no one would ever complain about a less than spectacular sex life. If you are trying with a partner than focus on positions that allow him to hit your G-spot.

This is as much mental as it is physical. You must give yourself to the experience. Many women say the act of sex makes them feel like they have to pee. This is natural as you’re stimulating an area that you use to pee. Many men feel the same thing. So it may take some time and practice to completely allow yourself to relax and release and feel everything.

Many women are so worried about how they look in bed, as well as releasing a queef (vaginal fart), or not pleasing their man. So it’s no wonder that it may be difficult.

So remember, get yourself aroused, and excited, and really get into it…. and LET YOURSELF GO!

And in case you’re wondering will men not like the taste and not want to perform oral on you? Relax! Female ejaculate is actually fairly sweet tasting as it contains 2 types of sugars found in the body.

Julie

I can not believe that people think women can’t ejaculate, or that the subject was so controversial. About 4 years ago I started reading up on it with my ex, and now I can’t not do it. Since he was so supportive and happy about it I never had any problems. I get mixed reactions from men now. Some think it’s just urine, but it’s not. I can gush so much that is soaks the mattress. I only stop when I’m exhausted. I felt like I could really let go if my partner would pull out and continue stimulating the outside of my vagina and my clit. It feels like a huge build up, and it’s great to finally release.

Debbie

The first time this happened to me was when I was 22. I was just soo embarrassed because I thought I peed on the guy. But oddly enough it didn’t feel like pee. It didn’t happen until 3 years later with my current husband. When it happened he was just overjoyed. He explained what had just happened and we were both ecstatic. I had no idea women could ejaculate. What works for me is the fact that he’s hitting my G-spot, but also hitting me deep in my vagina. Luckily for me, my husband is well endowed. It’s just an incredible rush, so much so that it excites him to orgasm as well!

Jake

I was with a woman once who soaked the bed when she came. I thought, wow, look at her pee. When it happened again with another girl I thought, is it really a bladder problem? She explained to me that she frequently squirted, and that females can ejaculate just like men. Wow. I had no idea. I really am changing my understanding of this now, and feel very lucky.

Danny

Having been with my girlfriend for over a year now I noticed she always tensed up when she had an orgasm. I told her she was essentially taking all the fun out of it. If you want to really enjoy it, you have to let go, and enjoy the ride. After a few weeks of discussing it and finally getting her to relax more, and to her surprise she ejaculated. And not a little, a LOT. She’s never enjoyed sex as much as she does now… and she thinks I am just amazing!

What is the Death Grip (or Kung Fu Grip), and what can I do about it? Don’t let de-sensitization destroy your sex life!

The death grip is a problem that faces most men. Whether we realize it or not regular use of our hand does cause desensitization. And while having control and being able to last a long time is great, few women want a man pounding away for an hour. What can be done about this? Well other than substituting sex for masturbation, the Fleshlight is your savior.

Many men have admitted to how desensitization has ruined their sex life and many relationships. But by using the Fleshlight they have not only regained sensitivity, but had tremendous fun in the process. The Fleshlight was designed with the concerns men have. Can we last long enough? Can we have better control? Will I enjoy it as much since I’ve been using my hand for so long?

Some of you have heard of this, while others are clueless. What is the death grip?

The death grip is the pressure in the grip men use during masturbation. It isn’t intentional, but nonetheless is a common occurrence. Masturbation is quite a different sensation from oral, vaginal and anal sex (just to name a few). Masturbation gives men a great deal of control. But this is a double-edged sword.

While masturbation is great, masturbation alone as a form of sexual release can cause men to become desensitized to pleasure. The result? Many cannot have an orgasm with a woman. We’re all familiar with the idea that men cum too fast with women. Well this is the other side of that coin. Too much masturbation with a grip that is very tight makes it difficult for you to enjoy the pleasures of a woman.

One suggestion would be to have sex frequently with a partner. But that’s not always as easy as it sounds. So, what is a guy to do? Well, if your problem is desensitization from the death grip or overly sensitive due to little sexual experience your best bet is practice. This is where the Fleshlight comes in. The Fleshlight was designed to simulate oral, anal and vaginal sex, with a few extra models for the adventurous types.

Now, while the flashlight is a great choice for someone getting their first sex toy, or even someone looking to add a new toy to their collection, it’s not the only one out there. There are plenty of penis sleeves, devices, and doll on the market.

However the Fleshlight is a high quality toy that doesn’t require you to break the bank. But if money isn’t an issue and you want the most realistic thing out there, feel free to check out Real Doll. They’re so realistic (and costly) that it’s SCARY. Dim the lights, put on some music, or even grab a porno, and you honestly will be fooled.

Anyway, perhaps you’re wondering how the Fleshlight can help this problem of being overly sensitive or de-sensitized? The Fleshlight has models that many men agree are a very close emulation of anal, oral, and vaginal sex. By varying your masturbation habits and using a Fleshlight you will allow your body to become more familiar with those pleasures. So, if you’re de-sensitized, you will regain your sensitivity, and if you are very sensitive you can build up your stamina.

So, if you’re having these problems, isn’t $50 (and extra for shipping, lube, and any extras you want) worth it to allow yourself to fully enjoy the experience with your partner? Not to mention it’s great fun if you’re single, or if she’s not ready or in the mood. And if you’re really interested and want something that feels like all 3, anal, vaginal, and oral sex… look for their 3-for-2 deal and save yourself a few dollars.