What’s the difference between the two? Also known as delaying ejaculation!

If you’re looking to learn about orgasm and ejaculation control you’ve come to the right place. Typically the best advice is to have sex often and try and learn while you’re in the moment. But sometimes that’s just not possible, and not all partners are as patient as we might need them to be. So you might be thinking, is there anyway to build up some control, so that you are in a better position when you’re having sex? And the answer is YES.

How? Well, the Fleshlight is the answer to that question. Not only is the Fleshlight designed to feel like the touch of a woman’s lips, pussy, or ass, but it was also designed with men’s concerns in mind. Men worry about being lovers and having control over their ejaculation and the Fleshlight does JUST that.

You may be thinking what’s the difference? Well, for many men the 2 are one in the same, due to the fact that they occur at the same time. But this isn’t the case.

Ejaculation is the physical element when you cum. When you shoot your load. Ejaculation is when semen rushes and shoots out of the penis.

Now orgasm? That’s an entirely different beast. Orgasm is that euphoric feeling you get.

OK that’s nice, so what does this do for me?

Understanding the difference is KEY to having a better orgasm as well as controling and delaying ejaculation.

So, have you ever heard about women being able to have multiple orgasms? Well, this is key to understanding how you can have them too.

The idea here is NOT to focus on trying to cum, but instead on enjoying the experience for as long as possible.

This means NOT jumping the gun when you feel yourself getting closer, but instead to relax, and maybe slowdown a little. Try it! You’ll notice wave after wave of pleasure running up your spine. When you ejaculate it works like much of your body in the sense that it has a cut off point. You have to stimulate yourself JUST enough in order to ejaculate. However if you are just short of this what you’ll get instead is an orgasm.

You may likely have experienced these waves before, but were so concerned with ejaculating that you didn’t stop to smell the roses. There’s no trick or magic behind delaying ejaculation. You must simply take control and get to know your body. After so much stimulation, even if it’s not enough to make you ejaculate… it will definately cause an orgasm or two. Delaying your ejaculation goes hand in hand with not over-focusing on it.

This is nice because you don’t have to stop. You can continue right through the orgasm and soon after get another. Understanding this is a great way to last longer with a woman as you will feel immense pleasure and be able to continue pleasing her at the same time.

Not only will you be able to last longer by delaying ejaculation, but you’ll also be able to enjoy the full potential of your penis. With such extended sessions of pleasure, your penis will rise to it’s limit. This is quite different from a normal erection. We call it an erection once a man is hard, but with prolonged stimulation you will become fully engorged. The result? A LONGER, THICKER penis. Doesn’t that sound fabulous?

Oh, and by the way, after so much build up and having those orgasms, you’ll be able to fully appreciate ejaculation, because now you have build up to the point where you are now like a geyser!

When you have an orgasm and ejaculate together your body essentially plateaus and quickly drops. But when you just have an orgasm that energy stays high, and it’s easy to roll into the next orgasm. SO, if you continue and have multiple orgasms and ejaculate for the finale you’ll notice it takes much longer for those great feelings to subside. Much longer than when you simply ejaculate and orgasm together 1 time. Another alternative is to just focus on the orgasm and not ejaculate at all.

You might ask why would I want to do that. Well, think about it this way. Imagine those feelings lingering around for HOURS. Since you didn?t ejaculate (or cum) your body reaches close to that plateau but never goes over. So you remain in this state for a long period of time. Imagine that!!!

This is something many who are involved with tantric sex mention but us normal folks ten to discount them. Sounds like nonsense right? Well trust me it’s not. It’s also well known that women tend to respond favorably to a man who appears sexually satisfied. Ever notice that when you’re single no one will give you the time of day.

But once you’re with a woman, now every other woman can smell it on you and wants a piece. It’s social priming so to speak. If a woman is sleeping with you it means you must be decent since you got her. So other women want to see what all the HUBBUB is about. Now think about pleasuring yourself in a way that literally makes you glow and give off good vibes. Women will immediately smell this on you and be DRAWN to it like flies to shit.

So, simply trying to delay ejaculation is akin to missing the bigger picture. There’s more in it than just lasting longer for your woman. By understanding your body and being able to better control and feel what’s going on you more than get your jollies! So think less about delaying ejaculation, and more about fully appreciating the experience.

Give it a try, relax and just go with it and see what happens. You’ll be pleasantly surprised!

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Masturbation has been a taboo for ages. Only recently it is becoming more acceptable. But even now many aren’t accepting of it. But, why? If sex, especially premarital sex is ok… then why not masturbation?

We’ve all heard the myths and taboo’s. Some of us are still influenced by them. A lot of it comes from religion and society trying to control people’s behavior. But today sex is so wide spread these old taboo’s are fading away.

Many sex therapists and researchers tell us masturbation is healthy, and SHOULD be a part of our lives. Not only is it fun and pleasurable, but it teaches us about our own sexuality and what we desire. How can you be a good lover if you don’t know how to push your own buttons? Not only that but, masturbation is good for the body.

Sexual release is something the body needs. Now it may not be a direct need like food and water, but it’s still a need. Regular masturbation has been seen to reduce and even eliminate headaches, stress, and give people a healthy happy outlook.

Many say, they’d rather just have sex. Sure, that’s the idea. But when you don’t have a partner masturbation is a great way to go. But don’t let it end there. Masturbation is a fun activity even WITH a partner. You can enjoy watching your partner get off, or even jump in and assist them. It’s a great way to further understand your body and the nature of your orgasm.

You can masturbate with your hand, or use a device designed for such a thing. There are plenty of sex aids that are great for masturbation and can give you a little something extra that you can’t get naturally with sex. It’s a nice treat once in a while.

So don’t be afraid of masturbating. You should be afraid NOT to. Have you noticed how relaxed and great you feel after orgasm? I’m not just talking about in the next 5 mins, but the entire day. It’s nice, isn’t it? Well, take advantage of it. Masturbate, and learn more about yourself, or your partner.

It’s nothing to be ashamed of… rather it’s something to be proud of. Masturbate and enjoy yourself! it’s these feeling of shame during masturbation that manifest when people are shy during sex. You should be more open and honest with yourself. You enjoy the pleasure, so admit it, and ENJOY it.

Now remember. Different strokes for different folks. ^_^

But remember. It’s called choke the chicken – not KILL the chicken. All good things in moderation.

And age shouldn’t be much of an issue when it comes to masturbation. From the onset of puberty til you’re nearing death you can enjoy some nice time with YOU and your hand(s). It’s no surprise that this sexual release makes us feel better and shows. Why do you think women are often attracted to a man who is in a relationship?

The aura he’s giving off from being sexually and emotionally satisfied is sending out signals. And women often respond to this. This should be a good clue that masturbation can be a good thing. But it won’t do you much good if you’re ashamed of doing it. You’ll just make yourself feel WORSE due to the guilt. And that’s definitely not good.

So take some time to get better acquainted with your hand. You’ll enjoy yourself, and your body will thank you!

Can masturbating lead to cancer? Can using a sock lead to fungal infections? These myths and more are debunked!

1. Masturbation is unhealthy.
2. Only people who can’t “get any” masturbate.
3. Girls don’t masturbate.
4. It’s bad to masturbate every day.
5. A child who masturbates has been exposed to sexual information that is not appropriate for his/her age.
6. Masturbation causes acne or loss of eyesight.
7. Masturbation causes sexually transmitted diseases.
8. Masturbation causes hair to grow on your palms.
9. Teenagers shouldn’t masturbate often, as they will lose the ability to have children.
10. Masturbation is for kids.
11. Hardly anyone masturbates
12. Only homosexuals masturbate.
13. Masturbation causes hair loss, chronic fatigue, and other problems.
14. Masturbation causes your penis to stop growing (or) to get bigger.
15. Masturbation causes your testicles to shrink.
16. Masturbation causes cancer.
17. If you masturbate too much, you’ll run out of semen and become sterile.
18. People can tell whether you masturbate by how your penis looks.
19. Masturbation (with or without sex toys) is only for people who can’t get laid.

Have a good laugh because these are indeed myths. Society and religion have been teaching us that masturbation is wrong. They have denied us our very sexuality, and in doing so created very unhealthy views of sex within adults. We should understand that masturbation is one of the ways in which we initially discover and explore our sexuality. So it is VERY important that we feel good about it. But if you grow up thinking masturbation is wrong you’ll never fully enjoy it and these beliefs will poison your sex life. So relax and REALLY enjoy yourself!

Presented at the Society for the Scientific Study of Sex, Midcontinent Region Annual Conference, May 20-23, 1999, Madison, Wisconsin

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“We have termed onanism a solitary vice, and nothing is more just. It has also been termed a contagious vice, and nothing is more true.”(1)

Although we usually think of masturbation as a solo activity, we all know that masturbation can be shared with a sexual partner: in person, or via telephone or computer sex. Yet beyond usual notions of coupled sex, masturbation also happens in groups. Curiously, such “social masturbation,” as we might call it, has been virtually unstudied, even though the infamous anti-masturbation tract Onania mentions it among both boys and girls in the 1700s:

“Would all Masters of Schools have but a strict Eye over their Scholars; (amongst whom nothing is more common, than the Commission of this vile Sin, the Elder Boys Teaching it to the Younger….) [and] I am credibly inform’d, it is now become almost as frequent amongst Girls…. [T]he Governess of one of the most eminent Boarding-Schools we then had…surpriz’d and detected some of her Scholars, (to her great astonishment and concern) in the very Fact; and who upon Examination confess’d, that they very frequently Practis’d it…”(2)

And here is a selection from Tissot’s equally infamous anti-masturbation work, a century later:

“[A] whole school sometimes strove by this practice, to…keep themselves awake during the lectures upon scholastic metaphysics, delivered by a sleepy professor…. Some years since, it was discovered in the city, that a company of libertines, fourteen or fifteen years old, used to assemble to practice this vice, and that a whole school is still polluted by it.”(3)

I have pulled together what we DO know about group masturbation, with the hope to inspire some curious researchers to go much farther. I will speak first about young people, and then adults.

THE YOUNG PERSON’S GAME

We have all heard of circle jerks, traditionally described as a boys’ game. I have collected over 100 anecdotes about youthful shared masturbation experiences: from books, Celebrate the Self magazine, letters and e-mails, and the Internet. While this is not a statistically valid sample and should not be generalized to apply to most people, it will suffice to give us an idea of the types of experiences among both boys and girls.

Here are some experiences about different boys. (The number an arbitrary number assigned to each case collected.)

“When I was about 15, the six or eight boys who ‘hung together’ indulged in a summer of group masturbation (speed to ejaculation, accuracy in placing ejaculate in chalk circle on basement floor, etc.), oral sex, and attempts at anal sex.”#37

“I was around thirteen, at Boy Scout camp…. [O]ne afternoon when…the counselors were off swimming, two of the guys had a contest to see who could ‘come’ the fastest…. Well, that was the first time I’d ever seen a boner or anyone ‘come.’ It was amazing. I started playing with myself and have masturbated ever since.”#31

“[Wh]en I was on the swim team at school, [w]e had a coach who advocated nudity among the swimmers as a means of building a stronger, trusting, cohesive team…. [Next w]e were receiving lectures from him about jerking off as a means of building trust and sharing within the team. Well, I was one of the first to get a boner in the shower room…[so] I took the situation in hand and began jerking…. After a few minutes, another guy began doing the same, and then another, until finally everyone in the shower was stroking their dicks. It wasn’t long until some heavy loads were flying into the middle of the floor. This gradually became a regular occurrence.”#92

“My college roommate and I used to jack off together almost every night–and occasionally during the day. He’d be in his bed and I in mine. We never touched each other, just looked and once in awhile talked about favorite sensations and techniques. Mostly we just watched each other enjoying ourselves.”#65

“[A]bout five Years ago, when I went to School, I and three or four more, on a Holiday, went a Bird-catching; when we were sat down, one of our Companions, who was about 20 Years of Age, the rest of us not being above 15, ask’d us, Whether ever we saw the Seed of Man? We reply’d We never did. He told us…he would shew us, which he did, by Self-Pollution; and which, tho’ it fir’d my Inclination, yet I attempted it not till a Year after….”#47

“J/O has been the best since that fateful day…in the shower at age 11…when I stood in the back of the tub…and kept rubbing my dick, like a guy in school told me to…. Then, the incredible, frightening dizzying feeling…as, all of a sudden, that white stuff began coming out…. I told my buddies, and they didn’t understand or believe me, so the next weekend we went into the woods and…I showed off my new toy, much to their envy and amazement. During the next few months, one by one they became able, with my instructions and help, to shoot, too.”#76

“When I was in about the 7th grade…[t]wo of the other kids in the car pool and I were tight j/o buddies…. I would sit in the middle and lean forward against the back of the front seat and talk to the guys in front…. [T]his made it impossible for anyone to see that my buddies each had one of their hands in my crotch, rubbing my hard cock through my jeans. Just before we got to school (they would time it perfectly), they would make me shoot my load into my underwear.”#74

“I began to masturbate when I was a 13-year-old boy. My sister…began to menstruate & masturbate at 10 years old…. One day I spied on my sister masturbating… I was so excited I jerked off into my underwear. Next day, I let her catch me naked in my bedroom jerking off while looking at girlie magazines…. Since we were very close–we agreed it would be sexy fun to masturbate in front of each other…. We did this for about a year. Then began masturbating each other.”#73(4)

We can see here that shared masturbation involving boys can take various forms, and can involve from two to many participants. Boys can self-masturbate with the others, masturbate other youngsters, demonstrate for others, or watch a demonstration. Sessions can also include other sex acts.

A circle jerk can start spontaneously, with boys comparing bodies and genitalia, or a boy can join with an on-going group. So a circle jerk can be a one-shot experience, so to speak, or it can be a planned or semi-planned activity that goes on for months or years, with the membership shifting as older boys leave and younger ones join. Some kind of game or contest may be added to lend interesting complexities. Much group or other shared masturbation among boys seems to begin in the context of a socially sanctioned male group, such as a boys’ camp, sports team, fraternity, dormitory, or school.

Now, some stories about girls:

“My best friend introduced masturbation to me [at age 10] when we were younger. We used stuffed animals and baby bottles (over our clothes)…. [We also] pretended to play “boyfriend/girlfriend.” One of us would pretend to be the boy.”#107

“My sad Case is, that when I was a young Girl of between 15 and 16 Years of Age, at the Boarding-School, being entic’d and shew’d the way by 3 of my School-Fellows, older than my Self, which lay in the Chamber with me, two Beds being in the Room, I did as they did….and I thought it was pleasing enough.”#50

“Being about seven and having orgy-type sessions with one or two other little girls. We’d touch ourselves and rub on the side of the bed until orgasm…. We were also having oral sex at this age (with each other).”#55

“Sometimes there were just one or two people, but other times there were up to five or more guys and girls [in] a gang of 10 or more members. We would all get together and sort of play a game where first we would masturbate ourselves and we would masturbate each other and the one who lasted the longest (the one to come last) would be the winner and that person would get to receive oral sex from all the others who lost! [How old were you?] Sixteen. [How long did you participate?] About 3 yrs.”#106(5)

I have collected 90 stories about boys and only 18 about girls, so it is hard to tell how typical the girls’ stories might be. It appears that girls’ experiences can be very similar to boys’, but perhaps not so common–and perhaps less publicly recounted. Girls’ shared masturbation may take place more in pairs than in larger groups. Any games seem more likely to be “playing doctor” or “playing house” or pretending to be a boyfriend and girlfriend than a contest. It may be also that more girls’ experiences are heterosexual than boys’ experiences.

Group masturbation among young people appears only briefly in the sexology literature. Kinsey, Masters and Johnson, Morton Hunt, and Ruth Westheimer have all stated or implied that such activities occur only among boys.(6) But a few sources do report girls sharing masturbation. Here is Margaret Sanger, the well-known advocate for birth control, from 1916:

“In public schools are found groups of perverted boys and girls whose depraved ideas sooner or later permeate the place. A recent issue of a conservative women’s journal says, ‘In absolute filth of conversation nothing could equal the talk of boys and girls during recess in our schools. What is still worse is that the child is generally instructed in masturbation, prostitution and sometimes sexual perversity.’”(7)

Suzanne and Irving Sarnoff observed in 1979 that “some girls also get together as partners, or in larger groups, for mutual sexual stimulation.”(8) Baron Frederick von Gagern took a middle position in 1955, declaring that “self-abuse in groups…is more common with boys, who like to exhibit their manliness to one another, while with girls the mutual practice is more frequently found.”(9)

There are no survey data on group masturbation in young people. However, Robert Latou Dickinson and Lura Beam wrote that about 4% of women interviewed had learned masturbation from another little girl. The Kinsey team found that 40% of the men had learned masturbation from observation and 9% from homosexual contact. By contrast, 11% of the women learned from observation, and 3% from homosexual contact. In Shere Hite’s sample of men, 20% had masturbated another boy in childhood. Her female sample described no such incidents. Data from Bell, Weinberg, and Hammersmith suggest that 10-13% or more of children had some type of sexual experience involving a group.(10)

THE GROWN-UPS’ GAME

Among adults, mixed-sex group masturbation has doubtless been common over centuries as part of so-called “orgies,” modern “swingers’” affairs, and private sex parties. Similarly, all-men groups–and possibly all-women groups–have probably shared masturbation together with other types of sex in bathhouses and elsewhere, back to the Greeks and Romans and before. More recently, masturbation has been part of the public sex scene for men in the backrooms of gay bars.

Masturbation can also be the centerpiece of an adult sexual occasion. Here are some descriptions about men:

“I and six other guys ages 54 to 72 get together for a mutual J/O time…. Three guys are married and four are single.”

“If you’re going to join the group, George, you have to remember we always start on time…. This is your seat, George. Now this is a new kind of machine–a telepathic thought transmitter. Whatever you think about flashes on the screen. Now the rules of the game are this: all of us think of things to jerk off to–until somebody comes–and the first guy who comes has to stop everybody else from coming. Got it?” [from Oh, Calcutta! by Kenneth Tynan]

“I’ve had close encounters with five priests…. One came out on a raft trip with nine doctors and lawyers. The second night, they all J/O’ed around the campfire. For the rest of the trip they were in close encounters with each other.”

“In the 1970s, private masturbation parties were held in the homes of jack-off enthusiasts in San Francisco and New York, men who remained tantalized by the circle jerks of adolescence. A retired gay businessman in San Francisco maintained a bulging Rolodex of group masturbators, along with their phone numbers and proclivities….”

“In honor of National Masturbation Month, last night the Las Vegas Jacks or Better met on May 7 for a fun-filled evening of celebration. Everyone had a great time! We shared our jack-off techniques with each other [and]…entertained ourselves and each other quite ‘handily’ I’d say.”

“Here’s how [the] leader…describes…the ‘20/30 Club’: ‘We are a group of sexually uninhibited gay and bisexual men who like to masturbate with other like-minded men. We will celebrate our tenth anniversary in June. We have about 70 guys in western New York on our mailing list and have up to a third of them at each session.’”(11)

Small, private male JO groups may vary activities according to members’ preferences. The focus may be on sexually explicit material–heterosexual or homosexual–with the men sitting, and we are reminded of adult XXX movie theatres. Or the men may be standing and focus on each other, and we are reminded of boys’ circle jerks.

The JO or “jacks” clubs involve larger groups of men(12). The New York Jacks began informally, and was officially founded as a male masturbation club “pre-AIDS” in 1980. It is probably one of the first modern clubs of its kind in the world and still meets regularly. There are at least 40 such clubs worldwide in major cities, publicized through the gay community. The San Francisco Jacks, another early club, describe themselves as “a service organization whose purpose is pleasure,” and an article in the Bay Area Reporter compared them to the Elks Club.(13) JO clubs typically stress joy, fellowship, and acceptance of diversity in backgrounds and bodies. As stated by the New York Jacks, “We’re looking for recreation, not romance.”(14) Comparison to the Elks Club is not inappropriate: JO clubs may have membership cards, newsletters, songs, rituals, yearbooks, theme parties, weekend retreats, charity fund-raisers–and attractive websites. Bonhomie, enthusiasm, and bad puns are widely evident.

JO clubs generally have firm rules barring oral and anal sex, variously worded as “no lips below the hips,” “on me, not in me,” and “we discourage insertion of anyone’s anything into anywhere.” Most forbid drugs, alcohol, and sometimes cologne. The New York Jacks meets three times per week, while other clubs as infrequently as once a month.

Members learn about events through a telephone message, mailing, or website. A hall or spacious area is rented by larger clubs, while smaller groups may meet in basements or garages. For a typical evening, attendees are usually urged to arrive between certain hours, as latecomers disturb the momentum. Clothes–except footgear–are checked at the door, although underwear and costumes may be encouraged. The men gather in a large common space, usually with music or videos, protected surfaces, and comfortable surroundings. Lubricants and snacks are provided. Men may masturbate themselves and each other, plus kiss and caress so long as rules are observed. Some men show off solo, while others form gleeful tangles. Early ejaculations start a chain reaction of more ejaculations. After a couple of hours, the party winds down and everyone leaves. Men sometimes describe these JO experiences as wonderful, joyous, ecstatic, even spiritual.

Among women-only groups, masturbation seems to merge with other sexual activities. I have found accounts of lesbian sex clubs, some devoted to SM, but I have found no accounts of women getting together solely for “jilling off” other than Betty Dodson’s workshops and occasional reunions of Dodson workshop “alumnae.”(15) Perhaps fewer women than men have gotten together just for masturbation, perhaps they have written about it less widely, perhaps both.

In the last decades, some mixed-gender sex parties have stressed masturbation, also called “jack and jill off” or JJO. Here are a few descriptions:

“Mother Goose (Delores) spearheads these monthly gatherings…and tells me, ‘The folks that come to our events range from 18 to 80…. Men and women all together in the same space at the same time–some gay, some lesbian, crossdressers. Some bring leather, some only want to watch, some are show-offs. We are all dedicated to Jacking and Jilling. Some do massage, some whip the daylights out of each other, some do dirty dancing, etc.’ There are some simple rules: no fucking, no unprotected sex, no rude behavior.”

“Club Relate is a club for people that enjoy and include masturbation in their sex play and desire meeting other people in a party setting for group masturbation…. Currently, the Club’s parties are held twice a month in many of Florida’s favorite cities…. Swinging and/or penetration is an option among consenting participants…[but] the primary reason for Club Relate’s existence is masturbation.”(16)

The San Francisco Mother Goose parties began in 1987 as an enlargement of the “jacks” concept.(17) These parties appear to have ceased, but their function has been assumed by the more general sex parties such as the Queen of Heaven parties, which stress safe sex, eclectic attendance, and a variety of activities, from masturbation to fisting. However, the all-male New York Jacks holds a co-ed Jacks and Jill Party every two months. By contrast, Club Relate grew out of the swingers’ movement, from the large responses to one couple’s advertisements for masturbation companions.

It appears that group masturbation has long been a favorite activity for at least some men. But only recently have groups organized and gone public–and for both genders. Several trends are clearly at work here: the greater acceptability of talking about and doing all kinds of sex, and the need for safe sex due to the HIV epidemic. Certainly, the Internet has allowed aficionados of group masturbation to find out about JO and JJO clubs as well as contact each other for private gatherings and even start new clubs.

A few older anthropological works mention group masturbation among both men and women in different cultures.(18) In the modern west, adult group masturbation has earned notice by mostly gay and lesbian writers of sex manuals, advice books, and journalistic accounts. As far as I know, there are NO scholarly surveys or other analytical work in this area.(19)

SOME CONJECTURES

Let me speculate about a few unanswered questions.

Why does group masturbation seem more common among males than females? For one thing, masturbation itself has been reported as more common among boys and men in numerous surveys over more than 50 years. And why is THAT? John and Janice Baldwin link male interest in sex and masturbation to visibility of the penis itself and erections, tangible evidence left by noctural ejaculations, greater social acceptance of male sexuality, and higher levels of testosterone.(20)

Aside from general masturbatory frequency differences, other factors may predispose boys and men to get involved in group masturbation more readily than girls or women. Western bathroom habits require males to expose their penises to each other in men’s rooms from an early age. Group nudity on, say, swimming teams and in showering is part of male culture beginning in boyhood. For females, casual, shared nudity is far less common and less accepted at all ages, even given the requirement for group showers in high school. And even when females do share nudity, their genitals are less obvious, and any sexual arousal cannot be seen.

As a matter of pure performance, male masturbation has a showy quality that can attract an audience of imitators. In female masturbation, the experience is mostly internal. It is also likely that some gay men divert their interest in polyamory to JO groups because of fear of HIV–which is not such a threat to lesbians. And then, we do not know how accurately people remember and report their experiences. Perhaps more women masturbate than report it–or share masturbation than report it–but have not thought of it as masturbation or have not wanted to admit it.

Among heterosexuals, a good many men seem interested in co-ed shared or group masturbation, judging from ads on the Internet. But only a few women advertise for either male or female masturbation companions.

How many people participate? We hardly have any idea at all. When group masturbation has made its way into surveys, it has likely been lumped into youthful sex play, generalized masturbation, or homosexual sex. More probably, it simply is not collected. Certainly more activity occurs than generally suspected because researchers have not asked and the public has not volunteered. Masturbation is still quite taboo and so is group sex, especially for women.(21)

A complicating factor is that surveys typically ask, for example, about homosexual sex acts or for experiences “thought of as being sexual.” Yet many people do not label their shared masturbation as homosexual or even sexual. My files are full of such disclaimers, even from married men with JO buddies who do not consider their current and clandestine activities as “homosexual.” Quite a few Internet ads actually seek “str8″ or “married pals” for shared JO. A survey about group masturbation reported in Men’s Confidential magazine drew “hundreds” of responses from men, 95% self-described as heterosexual and 89% as married. Of respondents, 27% reported group activities as boys and 44% as adults. In one informal adult group, “We all agreed that the experience enhanced sex with our wives.”(22) A man once told me he was a “heterosexual who was into cocks,” and perhaps many others would agree with that description.

Is group masturbation becoming more or less common? Since many of the boyhood circle jerk stories seem to be from older men, it may be that circle jerks were more common in the past. Masturbation has become more “normal” in the last 30 years, so fewer boys might need group permission to indulge. Today, most young people know about masturbation and ejaculation via public schools and the media, so ejaculation and orgasm become less miraculous–and children might have less need to share the discovery. Further, with greater public consciousness of homosexuality, more young people may shy away from activities that might be construed as “homosexual.” Perhaps fewer children have as much unstructured and unsupervised time to play together. And it may be that earlier eras of same-sex boarding schools fostered a collective intimacy that occurs less commonly now.

On the other hand, group masturbation among ADULTS may be increasing because of the desire for safe sex and the opportunity to find companions through periodicals such as Celebrate the Self and through the Internet.

Do people who have participated in group masturbation differ from those who have not? There are some reports that people who identify in adulthood as “gay” or “lesbian” more commonly had childhood homosexual experiences–such as masturbating with other boys–than those identifying as “heterosexual.”(23) Yet these data may be questioned because of the questions asked and the way people answer. Since many do not consider their early experiences “homosexual” or even “sexual,” surveys may have not picked up same-sex shared masturbation. And it may be that homosexuals remember such experiences more often and more clearly than do heterosexuals.

It is possible that group masturbation may have implications for sexual self-esteem, body image, or ability to form sexual and social relationships. But we will not know until research studies are designed that actually ask about shared and group masturbation. Then we can better estimate how many people participate, their sexual orientation, and any typical characteristics.

Among adults, it does appear that group masturbation is more popular among gay men than among lesbians or heterosexuals. The fact that gay men are at a greater risk for HIV may be relevant. But more obviously, gay men find male sexuality attractive, and what could show off male sexuality more emphatically than a group of men ejaculating? Many men who consider themselves heterosexual also enjoy watching ejaculation and even participate in shared JO. Both homosexual and heterosexual sexually explicit films feature external “cum shots,” partly to prove that the sex is real, but also partly as sexual spectacle.

CONCLUSION

Group or “social” masturbation is becoming of increasing sexological interest as an emerging cultural phenomenon. Single-sex and co-ed groups allow sexual exhibitionism, voyeurism, experimentation, and variety (”polyamory”) in congenial settings, without risk of disease, pregnancy, or expectations for commitment. One gay man wrote in the early 90s: “I’ve had a lover for almost ten years. He’s 30, still as sexy as when he was 20, and we’re compatible and monogamous except for participation in our J/O club.”(24) It is likely that organized JO and JJO groups will grow in number and reputation in coming years, and that small, private circles will continue and proliferate even more widely. I invite other sexologists to track and study this fascinating activity.

References

1. William H. Walling, Sexology, Philadelphia.: Puritan Publishing Co., 1904, pp. 46-47.

2. Onania, Or, the Heinous Sin of Self-Pollution (10th ed.), In The Secret Vice Exposed: Some Arguments Against Masturbation, New York: Arno Press, 1974, pp. v-vii. (original work published 1724)

3. [S.A.] Tissot, Treatise on the Diseases Produced by Onanism, In The Secret Vice Exposed: Some Arguments Against Masturbation, New York: Arno Press, 1974, p. 48. (original work published 1832)

4. #37: Edward M. Brecher, Love, Sex, and Aging, Mount Vernon, NY: Consumers Union, 1984, p. 217 [contests]; #31: Shere Hite, The Hite Report on Male Sexuality, New York: Knopf, 1981, p. 501 [Boy Scouts]; #92: “Locker Room Days,” Celebrate the Self, Jan., Feb. 1999, p. 2 [swim team]; #65: “Solo Sex Together,” Celebrate the Self, Oct., 1994, p. 3 [college roommate]; #47: Onania, 1974/1724, p. 64 [birdcatching]; #76: “First Time,” Celebrate the Self, Mar., Apr., 1996, p. 5 [instruct]; #74: “That Old Gang of Mine,” Celebrate the Self, Nov., Dec. 1995 p. 13 [in car]; #73: “Brother/Sister Masturbation,” Celebrate the Self, Sept., Oct., 1995, p. 4.

5. #107: Collected from midwestern college students, 1999 [baby bottles]; #50: Onania, 1974/1724, p. 163 [boarding school]; #55: Cathy Winks & Anne Semans, The New Good Vibrations Guide to Sex (2nd ed.), San Francisco, Cleis Press, 1997, p. 67 [girls orgy]; #106: Collected from midwestern college students, 1999 [het group].

6. Alfred C. Kinsey, Wardell B. Pomeroy, & Clyde E. Martin, Sexual Behavior in the Human Male, Philadelphia: Saunders, 1948, p. 169; William H. Masters, Virginia E. Johnson, & Robert C. Kolodny, Human Sexuality, 2nd ed., Boston: Little, Brown, 1985, p. 364; Morton Hunt, Sexual Behavior in the 1970s, Chicago: Playboy Press, 1974, p. 80; Ruth K. Westheimer, Dr. Ruth’s Encyclopedia of Sex, New York: Continuum, 1994, p. 175. In books about sex for young people, I have found only one that mentions circle jerks: The What’s Happening to My Body? Book for Boys (new ed.), by Lynda Madaras with Dane Saavedra, New York: Newmarket Press, 1988, p. 111-112. A self-declared nonscholarly book that does go into considerable detail about boys’ circle jerks is Pulling It Off: Masturbation Practices of 191 Midwestern American Boys, by Joseph Winchester, Amsterdam: Acolyte Press, 1987. Some anthropological works note group masturbation among children, especially boys, in various cultures: Robert T. Francoeur, ed., The International Encyclopedia of Sexuality, vols. 1-3, New York: Continuum, 1997, pp. 44, 587, 851; Edgar Gregersen, The World of Human Sexuality, New York: Irvington, 1994, pp. 317; Allen Edwardes & R.E.L. Masters, The Cradle of Erotica, New York: Matrix House, 1966, pp. 227-296; Allen Edwardes, The Jewel in the Lotus, New York: Julian, 1959, pp. 112-115; Clellan S. Ford & Frank A. Beach, Patterns of Sexual Behavior, New York: Harper, 1951, pp. 188-192

7. Margaret H. Sanger, What Every Girl Should Know, New York: Max N. Maisel, 1916, p. 38.

8. Suzanne Sarnoff & Irving Sarnoff, Sexual Excitement, Sexual Peace: The Place of Masturbation in Adult Relationships, New York: M. Evans, 1979, p. 149.

9. Baron Frederick von Gagern, The Problem of Onanism, Westminster, MD: Newman Press, 1955, p. 55.

10. Robert Latou Dickinson & Lura Beam, The Single Woman, New York: Reynal & Hitchcock, 1934, p. 223; Alfred C. Kinsey, Wardell B. Pomeroy, Clyde E. Martin, & Paul H. Gebhard, Sexual Behavior in the Human Female, Phila.: Saunders, 1953, p. 173; Shere Hite, The Hite Report on Male Sexuality, New York: Knopf, 1981, p. 47; Shere Hite, The Hite Report, New York: Macmillan, 1976; Alan P. Bell, Martin S. Weinberg, & Sue Kiefer Hammersmith, Sexual Preference: Its Development in Men and Women: Statistical Appendix, Bloomington: Indiana University Press, 1981, pp. 98, 118-118 (date reanalyzed against sample total).

11. “Puller/Pounder Survey Results: Those ‘Others,’” Celebrate the Self, Winter 1994, p. 7 [age 54-72]; Kenneth Tynan, ed., “Four in Hand,” Oh, Calcutta! New York: Grove, 1969, p. 111; “Sex and Priests,” Celebrate the Self, Sept., Oct., 1996, p. 2; Steve Chappel & David Talbot, Burning Desires: Sex in America, New York: Doubleday, 1989, p. 303 [Rolodex]; “J/O Group Loves CELEBRATE!” Celebrate the Self, Sept./Oct. 1998, p. 8. [Las Vegas]; “Another Jerk-Off Club,” Celebrate the Self, Sept., Oct., 1996, p. 19 [20/30 Club].

12. Information about male JO clubs was gathered via interviews with long-time members of the San Francisco Jacks, newsletters and yearbooks of the San Francisco Jacks, and club websites, especially those of the Philly Jacks (www.critpath.org/jacks), the New York Jacks (www.nyjacks.com), and the Melbourne Wankers (www.home.aone.net.au/melbournewankers/home.htm). Some of these websites have links going to sites of still other clubs. A good website for entree into masturbation information on the net is www.proaxis.com/~solo/hme.htm. Also good is www.jackinworld.com; another site, mostly for members only, is www.masturbationpage.com.

13. New York Jacks Newsletter, January 1983, quoted in an announcement for the first San Francisco Jacks party, March 28, 1983 and reprinted in The Penis Mightier #9, The Yearbook of the SF Jacks on the Occasion of Their 10th Anniversary, 1993 (unpaged).

14. SF Jacks [newsletter], Spring 1994, unpaged; Roberto Friedman, “Jackie Oh! SF Jacks Celebrates Thirteen Years.” Bay Area Reporter, April 4, 1996, pp. 79-80.

15. For example, women’s clubs listed in alternative sexuality directories– Gayellow Pages and The Black Book–seem to be all SM oriented. Accounts of lesbian sex clubs and sex parties: Donna Minkowitz, “See What the Girls in the Backroom Will Have: A Dyke’s Adventure,” Village Voice, June 30, 1992, pp. 34, 38; Susie Bright, “Get into the Group,” Susie Sexpert’s Lesbian Sex World, San Francisco: Cleis, 1990, pp. 51-56; Susie Bright, “Spankful,” Susie Bright’s Sexual State of the Union, New York: Simon & Schuster, 1997, p, 120; Wendy Caster, The Lesbian Sex Book, Boston: Alyson, 1993, pp. 76-77, 151; Pat Califia, Sapphistry: The Book of Lesbian Sexuality, 3rd ed., Tallahassee: Naiad, 1988, pp. 113-118; “Kitaka Gara” [interview], Wired Magazine, February 14, 1996, www.hotwired.com/talk/club/special/transcripts/96-02-14.kitaka.html, 5/11/99. Betty Dodson’s workshops: Betty Dodson, “The Bodysex Groups,” Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving, New York: Crown, 1996, pp. 73-87; “Selfloving: Video Portrait of a Women’s Sexuality Seminar,” videotape available via www.bettydodson.com; Carol Queen, “My Orgasm with Betty,” On Our Backs, Vol. 7, No. 1., 1990; Marianne Macy, “Sex and the Person You Love Most,” Working Sex: An Odyssey Into Our Cultural Underworld, New York: Carroll & Graf, 1996, pp. 13-29; J. DeLynn, “I Flunked Masturbation Class,” In Bad Sex Is Good, New York: Painted Leaf Press, 1998, pp. 60-68.

16. “The New School for Social Masturbation,” Celebrate the Self, Mar., Apr., 1995, p. 19; www.clubrelate.com, 11/21/98.

17. Steve Chapple & David Talbot, “Burning Desires: Sex in America, New York: Doubleday, 1989, pp. 299-309; Interview with Jerry Zientara, 5/26/97; Carol Queen, “Inside the Safe-Sex Clubs,” In Real Live Nude Girl: Chronicles of Sex-Positive Culture, San Francisco: Cleis, 1997, pp. 68-75; Carol Queen & David Steinberg, “The Jack-and-Jill-Off Parties,” The Realist, Jan.-Feb. 1991, pp.6-7; Bill Strubbe, “Getting a Grip on the Ick Factor,” The Guide, July 1996, www.guidemag.com/features/ick-factor.html.

18. Clellan S. Ford & Frank A. Beach, Patterns of Sexual Behavior, New York: Harper, 1951, pp. 157-158; Allen Edwardes, The Jewel in the Lotus, New York: Julian Press, 1959, pp. 112, 14-115; Allen Edwardes & R.E.L. Masters, The Cradle of Erotica, New York: Matrix House, 1966, pp. 245-248, 277-278; Edgar Gregersen, The World of Human Sexuality, New York: Irvington Press, 1994, p. 349.

19. Gay and lesbian sources: for example, Charles Silverstein & Felice Picano, The New Joy of Gay Sex, New York: Harper Collins, 1992, pp. 106-107, 168; Jack Hart, Gay Sex, Boston: Alyson, 1991, pp. 91-93, Pat Califia, ed., The Sexpert, New York: Badboy/Masquerade, 1992, pp. 39-41. However, Ruth Westheimer’s Dr. Ruth’s Encyclopedia of Sex does note both adult group sex and male JO clubs (by Ruth Westheimer, New York: Continuum, 1994, pp. 126, 140-141) and so does Marty Klein’s book (Let Me Count the Ways: Discovering Great Sex Without Intercourse, co-authored with Riki Robbins, New York: Tarcher/Putnam, 1998, p. 192).

20. Some early frequency studies are summarized by Havelock Ellis, Autoeroticism, Studies in the Psychology of Sex, Vol. 1, Part 1, New York, Random House, 1936, pp. 161-283. Other early studies of women: Robert Latou Dickinson & Lura Beam, A Thousand Marriages, Baltimore: Williams & Wilkins, 1931 and The Single Woman, Baltimore: Williams & Wilkins, 1934; Katharine Bement Davis, Factors in the Sex Life of Twenty-two Hundred Women, New York: Harper & Brothers, 1929, pp. 91-187. The classic references: Alfred C. Kinsey, Wardell B. Pomeroy, & Clyde E. Martin, Sexual Behavior in the Human Male, Philadelphia: Saunders, 1948, Chapter 14; Alfred C. Kinsey, Wardell B. Pomeroy, Clyde E. Martin, & Paul H. Gebhard, Sexual Behavior in the Human Female, Philadelphia: Saunders, 1953, Chapter 5; Morton Hunt, Sexual Behavior in the 1970s, Chicago: Playboy Press, 1974, Chapter 2; Shere Hite, The Hite Report, New York: Macmillan, 1976, pp. 435; Shere Hite, The Hite Report on Male Sexuality, New York: Knopf, 1981, pp. 485-487, 1104-1107; Samuel S. Janus & Cynthia L. Janus, The Janus Report on Sexual Behavior, New York: Wiley, 1993, pp. 31, 77, 360; Edward O. Laumann, John H. Gagnon, Robert T. Michael, & Stuart Michaels, The Social Organization of Sexuality, Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1994, pp. 80-86, 134-146; John Baldwin & Janice Baldwin, “Gender Differences in Sexual Interest,” Archives of Sexual Behavior, 26(2), 1997, pp. 181-210. Lifetime masturbation incidence has generally been over 90% for men and around 60% for women, but varies by study and population, and depends on what questions were asked.

21. The Laumann et al. survey (1994) was conducted orally. But since masturbation was “the most sensitive topic of any we discussed, making both respondents and interviewers the most uncomfortable, [w]e adopted a form to be filled out by the respondents themselves in an effort to increase the accuracy of the report of the practice” (p. 69). The recent British National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles excluded questions on masturbation “because discussion of this practice had met both with distaste and embarrassment from respondents involved in the qualitative work on question design” (Kaye Wellings, Julia Field, Anne Johnson, & Jane Wadsworth, with Sally Bradshaw, Sexual Behaviour in Britain The National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles, London: Penguin, 1994, p. 134).

22. Alan P. Bell, Martin S. Weinberg, & Sue Kiefer Hammersmith, Sexual Preference, Bloomington: Indiana University Press, 1981, p. 96; “Group Masturbation,” Men’s Confidential, June 1996, pp. 10-11. Other studies besides Bell, Weinberg, & Hammersmith also seem to ask about sexual experiences using open ended questions about “first sexual experience” or “most recent sexual experience” rather than asking about a specific behavior in words like “rubbing your penis in the presence of other children” or “having an experience that produced arousal or orgasm.” Using the term “sexual” and phrases like “having sex” in questions may elicit the respondent’s own categories of behavior rather than any behaviors that the researcher wants to count.

23. An article in Dr. Ruth’s Encyclopedia of Sex states without citing a source that “Mutual masturbation among two males is believed to occur at least once among 25% of heterosexual males and 60% of gay males by age fourteen.” (Ruth K. Westheimer, Dr. Ruth’s Encyclopedia of Sex, New York: Continuum, 1994, p. 175). Bell, Weinberg, & Hammersmith (Sexual Preference: Its Development in Men and Women, Bloomington, IN: Indiana University Press, 1981) report that 84% of homosexual men had engaged in mutual masturbation before age 19, but only 21% of heterosexual men; for women, the percentages were 41% and 4% (pp. 100, 168). The Bell et al. study collected information only about experiences seen as “sexual.”

24. Pat Califia, The Advocate Advisor, Boston: Alyson, 1991, p. 170.

Semen Volume

About a teaspoon is average for men.

Semen Speed and Distance

When a man ejaculates it shoots on average of about 45km/hr. The distance is all relative to how and where you are ejaculating. When was the last time you came for distance? If you’re tring to improve the force and speed with which you ejaculate look into doing kegels. These are exercises which can effect your ejaculation as well as improve your sex life in general. Women can do these exercises as well which allows them to have a more controlled and stronger grip on you during sex. An additional means of increasing this is by stimulating your prostate during sex or masturbation and especially during orgasm. The increased stimulation will definitely show some improvement.

Semen Thickness

The thickness or thinness of semen seems to be a concern among many men, however there is little showing how thick or thin semen will do you much good. However it’s good to pay attention to your health as this can impact your semen. Other than that? It takes roughly 48 hours for your semen reservoirs to build back up, past which you are likely to see little difference. So if you are masturbating or having sex multiple times within 48 hour periods this can have some impact on things. But don’t worry so much

Semen Taste, Color & Smell

The color is typically a cloudy white, which can appear less cloudy if the man does not give his body enough time to resupply itself. If the semen is watery, this can be a sign of retrograde ejaculation, where the semen goes back into the bladder. Semen can have a hint of yellow to it. However if there is a strong persistent yellow, green, red, or brown color in your semen it’s a good idea to see a doctor. This can be due to numerous things such as STDs or a bust blood vessel. The smell is similar to that of chlorine. If it has a particularly foul or horrible smell, it would be a good idea to see a doctor. The taste can range from bitter to sweet depending on the health and diet of the man. Now if you want to improve the taste of your semen then you need to have a healthy diet. This means lots of fruits and vegetables, and fruit juices. Things to avoid include: alcohol, cigarettes and other tobacco products, drugs, junk food, and very potent smelling and tasting fruits and vegetables. So, cut back on the garlic and onions, and strong dishes like curry. Much like our sweat and other secretions, semen is influenced greatly by our diet, and overall health. So this might give you some ideas in case you know someone who has a potent smell when they sweat.

Semen Contents

Semen mostly contains protein, sugars, water, vitamin C, and zinc with 5 to 25 calories. So it has little impact on one’s diet.

Fun Facts

Did you know that semen can actually be a mood elevator? While no one is suggested that you go around having unprotected sex, it has been seen that women who are having sex (w/o a barrier) with their partner are generally found to be in a happier mood. This has been compared to a long list of other factors such as age and health. But what’s so surprising about this? Would it not be beneficial for nature to make women happy when they are within a sexual relationship with a man? It appears that the absorption of semen or ejaculate by the vaginal walls creates a chemical response elevating moods in women. And this goes along with all of the other benefits of sex such as better general health, lessening or resolving headaches, etc.

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So, there are many ways to alter your semen, but the question you should ask yourself is why are you doing this? Some are to improve your sex life like changing the taste, but others are more for ego, like being able to shoot a heavier or stronger load. The best approach to these things is to look into natural ways of improvement. So changing to a more healthy diet, adding excercise, doing kegels, paying attention to the foods you consume prior to sex, etc. These are great methods to improve your semen or ejaculate. However if you feel you need something extra, it’s best to consult your doctor before taking a drug that claims miraculous results. And remember, sometimes these things simply change with age. It’s a natural part of life!

Sex shopkeepers beware: Alabama’s new law against the sale of sex aids carries a maximum $10,000 fine and a year in jail.

Betty Faye Haggermaker is in her 25th year of marriage, but the 50-year-old still sometimes uses a vibrator to help her achieve an orgasm.

Sherry Taylor-Williams is a 48-year-old divorcee who first began using sexual devices while she was still married, after her medical doctor advised her that it could bring an end to a five-year inability to climax.

Most women would never admit to using anything battery operated near their privates.
But these two women happen to live in Alabama, a state that banned the sale of vibrators and other sex devices last summer. Along with four other women, they are suing the state, claiming the law walks all over their right to privacy.

The case is likely to be ruled on in the next two weeks.

Electric Diddly Forbidden Here

Am I supposed to go out and find a stranger every time I want sexual gratification? Excuse me? Men have Viagra, but as for women, the government is going into our homes and telling us what we can and can’t do.

–Jane Doe, one of the women suing the state of Alabama

But even with the help of lawyers from the American Civil Liberties Union, the women face tough odds.

At least 14 states around the country have passed laws that prohibit the sale of sexual devices, according to adult toy sellers. Georgia and Texas have upheld their laws despite legal challenges similar to this one. Some states have bans in only certain zip codes; others lackadaisically enforce their law.
The Alabama law, which was primarily intended to ban nude dancing, carries penalties of up to $10,000 in fines, one year of jail time or “hard labor,” for the sale, production, or distribution of “obscene” sexual devices that are deemed “harmful.”

To that, sex therapists and marital counselors can’t help but roll their eyes.

“Since when are sex toys harmful?” says renowned sex therapist Dr. Judy Kuriansky. “There’s no question that sex aids have proven for years to be extremely helpful — not harmful — and have sometimes even helped to repair damaged marriages.”

Americans should have free access to them and not think that there’s something wrong or sick about it, says Kuriansky, a counselor at the Center for Marital and Family Therapy in New York.

China’s ‘Happiness Machine’

Even people in China can get their kicks with state-approved sex toys, according to Asiaweek. In 1992, with the support of the Beijing Family Planning Commission, doctors at Beijing People’s Hospital opened the Adam and Eve Sex Health Shop. There, Beijingers can buy a vibrator called the “Happiness Machine” or a dildo shaped like Santa Claus hugging a bear cub.

Dr. Pepper Schwartz, a sex sociologist and board member of the 35-year-old non-profit group Sexuality Education Information Council of the United States, calls anti-sex toy laws “an embarrassment.”

“It’s a great argument for the need for more sex education in this country,” she says. “It makes all of us realize that we still have a lot of work to do.”

Lessons from the Past

Rachel Maines, author of the new book Technology of Orgasm, which is a guide to the history of vibrators, says the legislative trend doesn’t surprise her at all.
In her 20 years of research, Maines found that vibrator fear dates back to the 1890s, when doctors veiled the purpose of the machines by pretending they were needed to cure “feminine diseases.“

“They are always trying to clean up sex in America,” says Maines, a technology historian. “It’s not going to work, but they’ll keep trying.”

Legislators who voted in favor of the Alabama legislation have been conspicuously silent on the issue ever since it was passed last July.

Courtney Tarver, representing the state at a court proceeding on Wednesday, pointed out that the law banned only the sale — not the use — of vibrators. When asked by the judge for a reason why the law was passed, he said: “We see the Legislature acting within its powers.”

But that is not the way Sherri Williams sees it.

As owner of two Alabama stores that sell sex devices and other novelties, Williams worries about the future of her business. She sells roughly 20,000 sex devices to Alabamans each year, accounting for more than half of her $750,000 gross sales.

“It’s wrong for the government to be legislating morality,” she says. “Morals are individual choices, and the government shouldn’t decide what your moral standing should be.”

And who will say what the purpose of a vibrator is? When it is sold in Wal-Mart to soothe the muscles of someone’s aching back, it’s legal. But if the same product, same brand, is sold in Williams’ store, it’s against the law? For now at least, the answer to that is up to the federal court judge to decide.

Is it ok to masturbate when you’re in a relationship?

Many believe masturbation is just something to do when you aren’t in a relationship, but this shouldn’t be the case. Masturbation is healthy and should be part of a healthy relationship. Now no one is saying you should masturbate instead of enjoying time with your lover.

But masturbation shouldn’t stop just because you’re with someone. This can be especially true for women. Frequent sexual release makes your body desire it more often. So, if you desire sex more often both you and your partner will be able to share those intimate moments regularly.

Masturbation doesn’t have to be a solo act. If you’re in a relationship you can do it together, or watch one another. It can
definitely be a way to heat things up. Or, you can switch and give your woman and hand, while she gives you one. This is particularly interesting as you both may start to try and match the speed of the other depending on how aroused it is making you.

Masturbation can be a stand alone act, or part of other things. It can be something that leads up to sex, OR, you can give your partner a
hand as part of a nice relaxing full body massage. Now doesn’t that sound great?

Many have a problem with their partner masturbating. They feel that if their partner has to masturbate that they are not satisfying them. And this can cause many problems. We should be open and accepting of masturbation. As a matter of fact we should encourage it. Think how much at ease you would feel if not only did your partner encourage you to masturbate when the mood struck, but they also wanted to watch and/or join you?

Some might ask, how do you know if your partner masturbates? Well, if they’re human (especially males), it’s more likely than not, that they masturbate.

What about bringing up masturbation within a relationship and asking your partner to do it in front of you? Well, this is a touch? subject for some, but it doesn’t have to be. Bring it up at a time when you feel comfortable talking about sex. Just speak your mind and tell your partner what you’re thinking. And remember, take it slow! We mostly view masturbation as a solo act, so many are going to be initially resistant to this idea.

How do I get my partner to stop masturbating? This is the wrong approach to this issue, and is something many feel shouldn’t be done. A relationship should be the perfect place to explore your sexuality. This is what a relationship is about. Many of us are carrying around ideals from previous generations, but this doesn’t need to be the case anymore.

Masturbation is good, healthy FUN. It should simply be a part of your sex life and shouldn’t be the issue it is today. We’re no longer strictly against sex before marriage, and yet masturbation is supposed to be taboo, especially within a relationship? Does that make sense to you? Don’t worry, it doesn’t make sense to anyone who really thinks about it.

Masturbate, and enjoy yourself and your partner. It’s fun, and it can be great to incorporate into your routine.

So, relax, take a deep breath, and give yourself a hand, and masturbate to your heart’s content!

Research has been done at many universities and health institutions about the positive benefits of regular sexual activity/release. This applies to both sex with a partner and masturbation. However the degree of difference in positive benefits between sex versus masturbation is not yet clear.

So, for the purpose of discussion here, we’re generally referring to orgasm. And a regular sexual appetite which would gain these benefits is between 2 – 7 orgasms a week respectively. More than that may not garner additional health benefits. But that’s no reason not to enjoy it anyway!

Health Benefits of Masturbation and Sex (as well as orgasm):

• Long Life: more than 1 orgasm per week has been found in people who live a significantly longer life than those who have orgasms less frequently.

• Less likely to develop breast cancer: breast cancer is found in men and women, and regular orgasms are found to play a role in preventing this type of cancer.

• Healthy Heart: regular orgasms are found to link to people being 50% less likely to die from heart failure or coronary heart disease.

• Healthy Immune system: regular sexual activity has been found to stimulate and strengthen the immune system, which helps us fight off colds, flu’s and other viruses.

• Youthful Appearance: regular sexual activity has been found to help maintain a very young and youthful appearance in both genders.

• Relieve Cramps: it helps relieve premenstrual and menstrual cramps.

• Happier Mood: has been found to elevate our mood.

• Reduces Embarrassment: reduces wet dreams and spontaneous erections in teen males.

• Releases Body Tension: orgasm relieves tension in the body and on the nervous system.

• Helps You Sleep: whether you have insomnia or just trouble sleeping sometimes, the release of endorphins is very calming and will help ease you into sleep.

• Calms Your Cravings: sexual stimulation releases phenetylamine, which helps regulate your appetite.

• Lose Weight: Sex burns calories! Especially if you have a very vigorous bout.

• Pain Management: Can help reduce or eliminate pain (e.g. headaches, chronic pain, cramps, etc)

• Safe Sex: Is a form of safe sex, and can be enjoyed with a partner without the concern of pregnancy or STDs/STIs.

• Happy Marriage: Promotes higher levels of satisfaction in married couples.

• Enhanced Sense of Smell: sexual activity releases prolactin, which stimulates the brain and enhances smell.

• Reduces Depression: the absorption of semen by women has been found to reduce depression.

• Bladder Control: You are doing kegels when you use the bathroom as well as during sex. So both are at play using the same muscles.

• Prostate Health: regular sexual release has been linked to a reduction in chance for getting prostate cancer.

• Fertility: regular sexual activity promotes fertility by regulating female menstrual cycles.

• Good During Pregnancy: sexual activity has been found to protects against pre-mature birth and other problems in pregnancy/birth.

• Reduces Suicide: Suicide has been found high among people who are celibate or have little or no sexual release. So the next time you’re feeling down… maybe you should get better acquainted with yourself.

• Sexual Awareness: masturbation is how we first learn about our sexual nature, and plays a huge part in how we relate to others sexually. A good view on masturbation generally relates to a healthy view of sex.

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Now, no one is saying risk pregnancy, or getting a disease or infection. But your sex life should be a full one. We recognize that we need to eat, breath, sleep, etc. But we can’t neglect our sexual desires. You can ALWAYS masturbate if you don’t have a willing partner at the ready. So take care of yourself, and your sexual needs.